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| everything is so simple back then.
i wish there is a simple black and white. i wish there is someone to tell me what i should do to not fail again.
of all the things in life, why is the one thing that everyone seems to have a grasp on, I can't seem to get it right.
why is the kid in the bottom 10% of the class, the drop outs, the basket weaving major in college, master this one thing.
and i never seem to get it right.
i guess it's nowhere for me to go but down.
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| As far as I can remember, I hate talking in public. Having all eyes on me. Even a simple thing as when I came back home and my parents parading me around to their friends.
But on the other side, isn't it what drives me to look better? Spending countless times trying to properly apply make up, countless hair products, expensive trial and error skincare regimen? So people take notice of me? So when I walk into the room, I want those eyes on me?
It's really ironic. Obviously I don't wear make up or do my hair when I'm home alone, so my eagerness of looking youthful and beautiful are for other people to see, but I always feel uncomfortable during those moments when those eyes are actually on me.
Well, thanks to my over narcissistic personality, I never actually thought other people criticizing me. I actually thought they are looking at me because I look good. So I can skip the insecurity part. I just feel like a piece of meat sometimes, when the other business men look at me from head to toe.
So now, in my line of work, I actually HAVE to go out and meet people. It's very tiring and draining a lot of energy from me, actually. I have to do my hair, do my make up properly, and wear nice clothes and matching shoes.
I'm a quiet person by nature, so it's hard for me to try to initiating conversation with someone if that someone is also, a shy people. I feel like I'm an actress in a movie and I have to act a certain way. Trust me, that is very tiring if you have to do it in daily basis. Luckily if I'm back in the office, I can return to my bitter and quiet self, which is more comforting.
Anyway, since I'm handling new accounts now, I have to do a lot of meeting new people and try to impress them so that they would want to see me another time. Being an eye candy is not bad, but sometimes I came across perverts and those are never good. I feel like hitting them with my pointy manolo in the head. Also since I look younger than I actually am (which is a good thing, not complaining, I hope those lines would never settle on my face), everyone assumes I'm fresh out of school, which is good since I can play innocent and naive card. Very helpful in some situation.
Back to work.
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| so upon browsing aimlessly through facebook, i stumbled upon "the bitch".
yeah. now i'm all amped up again to write long rambling in xanga. this bitch, is the two faced, ugliest bitch you have ever meet in your life. this girl, oh god i hate her so much.
well i didn't hate her when we first met. in fact, i was hoping we could be friends, considering that she's nice enough and does not look like the catty type. boy i couldn't be more wrong.
first she always compliments me whenever we hung out. "oh, that is a really cute tank top!" "oh, you're so smart! i can never do what you do now." "you own a house? wow that's really impressive." bla bla bla
of course it's all bullshit.
from here on, let's call this bitch, "BL". that's initial for her name. Bitchy L****
next thing i know, just like a nuclear bomb, i got a text from my friend. "hey, BL said you're out of control. Anything you care to share?"
I was speechless. i didn't know if i was out of control or anything. i haven't even spoken to her the last few weeks. so i asked him what has happened, and it turned out that this BL has teamed up with another girl, whom i only met twice in my life, and both of them have decided that I am their mortal enemy.
so it turned out that i was cocky, slutty, flirtateous, and using my body to get what i want from guys.
WTH.
anyway, for some reason everytime i hang out with girls younger than me, or at least the same age, this problem happens quite often. i should hang out with more mature crowd. seems like they respect each other more.
anyway, am i the only one thingking that Mark Feuerstein is Adam Shankman's separated at birth brother? I was fooled when i first saw them! i thought they were the same person!
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| wow i feel particularly like ranting today. maybe it's because the numbness of friday afternoon in the office. since my hubby is busy doing his project, and absolutely cannot be bugged, i ended up mindlessly browsing through facebook.
of course i stumbled upon the narcissistic disorder group of girls. where they'd put their picture up on their profile picture, from weird angle, and over exposure of lighting and heavy make up, and then the caption read "chubby cheeks and big eyes. :(
chubby cheeks? she's not chubby at all. in fact, she has an oval face. why did she put the :( at the end of her caption? of course some dude who tried to hit on her would comment, "awww you look pretty! your cheeks are not chubby!"
whatever. i personally like to comment "yep. chubby indeed. pls have a plastic surgery."
these people are fishing for compliments. so annoying. also there is this girl who take 50 pictures of her face, just her face only, from shoulder up, from different angles. 50 of them. different eye make up color, different hairdos, different facial expression. at least she was honest enough to title her album "sometimes narcissistic is necessary".
yeah, narcissistic indeed.
also my puppy love from grade school! i found out through his status that he is heartbroken. yeah, i was heartbroken when you didnt even notice me in grade school too!!! at least now you know how i feel!
anyway, enough about gossiping other people.
now move on to "so you think you can dance"
i love this shows. i think every girl secretly wish (or maybe not so secretly) they could dance. not only because dancers usually have bangin body, but also because it looks cool. yeah. you see that 29 years old thighs? they DID NOT jiggle at all. NO NADA. not even one bit when she shaked them in excitement after cate announced that they're safe for next week. 29 years old with no cellulite and no jiggles on her thighs. it boggles the mind, you know? and i have high def 42 lcd tv too. i can clearly see her lines when camera zoomed in on her. i actually feel pity that she has that much lines and look so old when she's only 29 years old. but of course, her body is gorgeous.
anyway, im borderline love/ hate with asuka. on one side, i really want to like her, because she's cute and she's asian, but on the other hand, she really annoys me sometimes for some reason i can't put my finger on. anyway i'm kinda glad that she didn't get cutoff because this means that I can hate her some more in the following weeks.
i dont like some of the guys. tony totally annoyed me, so i was glad that he got cutoff. he has a cute face, but i can't stand the faces that he kept on making. so annoying.
i don't really like paris either, so i'm kinda glad that she got cutoff. phew!
now im tired of all the rambling. ok have a good weekend for me!
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| In 6 hours I will be boarding on a plane to VEGAS!
Actually I'm not as excited as I know how much money (that I can't afford) will be wasted in vegas.
But, I have made a list of places that I would go while I'm in Vegas. Mostly restaurants tho, I don't really care of the gambling (or should I say, gaming experience). Todd's Olives is first on my list. We are probably going there for lunch as dinner could be expensive.
Since my previous experience with Chris Angel show, I don't think I will be catching any shows while I'm in Vegas. Besides, we have a wedding to attend on Saturday, so we'll probably just chill at Voodoo lounge over at Rio (where the wedding will be).
I'd like to stop by at XS nightclub but we'll see if we have the time.
Ok. this is a very unproductive friday afternoon.
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